First the data breach and now this? Really Target, we trusted you, we believed in you…ugh. So disappointing, let me count the ways.
Exactly what is this, seriously what were you thinking!? Because it looks like to me a doll with a hair ‘dryer’ that uses glitter as a projectile. If this is indeed what it very much appears to be, then I have one thing to say to you:
Can we talk?
Dear inventor who clearly doesn’t have children, ( because obviously this is the only way this product could have ever been imagined and put into production). I have something I need to get off my chest and I believe I can speak for all the other parents out there: ARE YOU EFFING INSANE??!! Do you realize what this is and what it does?
It shoots glitter.
It. Shoots. Glitter.
Say it with me G L I T T E R.
GLITTER, you childless, inept product developer…..GLITTER. You know as in the herpes of craft supplies…as in, this will never go away, as in you’ll find it in your underwear and in your socks in between your toes. You’ll find it in your laundry that WILL go through the dryer and get on every piece of clothing you and your family owns, it’ll get in your towels, your wash cloths….you’ll scrub the glitter on your body (hey at least it’s exfoliating right?) oh but that’s not all ….you’ll towel off and end up rubbing it it your crotch while drying off (ladies, this is where exfoliating is a bad, bad thing)…THIS STUFF WILL NOT GO AWAY. It’ll get on your work clothes, too…so you can explain to the boss when he asks you exactly where you were for lunch “stud” referencing the glitter on the collar of your shirt and then you can back peddle oh so convincingly that it came from your daughters Barbie doll and not some stripper named Barbie. (of course there will be the people who won’t ask, they’ll just assume and there goes the rumor mill at your next company gathering, thanks Barbie) And just when you think it’s gone….nope, not a chance in hell (remember what we’re dealing with here, HERPES) you will find that shit on Valentines Day, at Easter time, Fourth of July, even Columbus Day isn’t safe from the staying power of the demon craft supply…..you’ll be haunted at Halloween when your deatheater costume is sparkling with sheer terror thanks to that damn doll and her ‘accessories’….on your table runner for Thanksgiving dinner…GLITTER GLITTER EVERYWHERE!!! And just when you think you’ve seen the last of the shinning spawn of satan, we’ve come full circle back into the Christmas season, just in time for the glitter spray on tan Barbie. About the only place you won’t find it is in your child’s room anywhere near the damn doll it came with. In closing I would like to say to you and your product developers and the focus group that told you this was a good idea (which by the way, they lied to you just to get the free product) on behalf of damn near every living, breathing parent, You’re a %#*>£!?&&);!?@$**%# with no &#^@(%&#$#@ sense and I hope you (#$^(@#(*&%^# in a @%^$(&*@# and choke on it.